I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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