True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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