They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
