im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Randomize
