Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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