who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize