I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
