all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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