i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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