Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
