He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
