Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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