Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i will never coherently bang her
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
