3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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