My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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