dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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