if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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