walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think I just sharted jello shots
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