It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
