a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
