my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
