Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
