dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
