so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize