I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
