I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Randomize
