On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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