Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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