I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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