Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
