i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
