it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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