Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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