I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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