he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
