batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
