Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
