He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
