brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You can't motorboat a personality
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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