forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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