i already hear my dad disowning me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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