A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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