It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
