I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
