yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
