Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
