some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
