i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
