Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
