dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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