just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
she looked like the before picture.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
