He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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