You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
