I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
