It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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