You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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