you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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