i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
