Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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