I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
