an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
