the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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