I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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