She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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