On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
