she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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