i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
