I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
