I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
