his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
