My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
