There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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